Some topics are too big to tackle in an hour or during a meet-up with your mentee

I have this saying "Never open a person up, if you do not have time to close them." I learned this mantra from a colleague long ago. What it means is that some conversations leave us reflective, where we are left to look over our lives and wonder (existentially) what life is really all about.

During other times, it is painful to look at our past. Maybe it is because the reflection is far too painful to process. Therefore, when you are mentoring your mentee, think about how deep you are willing to go. Will your time permit having an in-depth conversation or should you "re-direct" the conversation and allow things to be lighter? Let me offer a few tools to manage a conversation without being rude--yet insuring that you are not leaving a person in a deep-emotional-state where she may have displaced reactions once you leave (e.g. anger, sadness, grief, and other feelings).

QUESTIONS THAT CHANGE THE SUBJECT or REDIRECT:

a) So I hear that you have had a challenging past. Let's schedule time to really discuss this at length at a time when can tackle this topic. So, how did your job interview go?

b) Your mom died last year, and now you are trying to figure out where to find housing? Did you check with your case manager?

c) It is really interesting to find out about the way you used to go to to places with your ex-boyfriend. Do you have a plan to focus on getting yourself healthy and ready for returning home to live by yourself? Tell me about that.

REFRAIN FROM ASKING QUESTIONS THAT HAVE BIAS OR ASSUMPTIONS EMBEDDED

1) So you wore the wrong clothes to the interview, right?

2) Your day pass said to go to the library and you decided to take the long way home and missed your curfew, right?

3) She was being disrespectful to you, wasn't she.

Each of these questions have a leaning towards an assumed answer. Instead please try to ask nonjudgemental questions and make sure that you use open questions.

Openers include: "Can you" "Tell me" "Could you"

WHEN YOU DO WANT TO GO DEEP - HERE ARE A FEW QUESTIONS THAT ALLOW FOR REFLECTION

1) Tell me about your week...

2) How did the interview start off and how did it finish?

3) When you think about your dreams - if you could wake up tomorrow with a positive outcome, what does that dream look like?